Practical tips: Mastering the art of wild poos
Have you ever had an urgent urge, spotted a hidden corner of the forest thinking you could relieve yourself discreetly, only to find a collection of tissues at varying stages of decay strewn among fallen leaves? I have. Too many times. It’s shit. Literally. So let’s talk about it.
This post is an eco-friendly guide to going to the loo outdoors. Beyond the theory public guidelines offer, it offers practical tips so that you don’t have to learn things the hard (or gross) way.
Wild camping is all about smelling flowers, staring into the clouds, falling asleep to the sound of water running down some rocks. It’s also about leaving the place the way you found it. As far as possible, we shouldn’t modify the natural environment that graciously gave us a home for the night.
Up until the 1990s, it seemed acceptable to toss an apple core or tangerine peel to the side, ‘because it’s biodegradable’. Heightened environmental concerns and increasing footfall in many natural sites changed that view, and guidelines are now very clear: ‘Pack it in, pack it out’ is part of Principle 3 of Leave No Trace’s 7 Principles. The squirrels don’t actually want your tangerine bits; birds’ stomachs aren’t meant to digest bread; banana peels often take a surprisingly long time to degrade.
“Are you telling me to carry my poo home?”, you might be wondering.
Some people think you should. In fact, in places where things do not degrade (think deserts or extremely cold areas), you absolutely have to, or it will stay there a long while. In practice, national parks and the NGO Leave No Trace agree that digging a 20cm (eight-inch) hole for your poo and paper is sufficient. Go at least 60m (200ft) away from any water source streams, swamps, lakes, or coastlines. Avoid going near paths or anywhere people might pitch a tent after you’ve gone.
The practicalities
So, you now know to bring a trowel and bury your poo. That’s the theory covered. In practice, there’s a bit of a learning curve. Here are some tips to kickstart your journey.
What You’ll Need
A lightweight trowel
Toilet paper
Soap and water
Some courage for the first few times
The Basic procedure
Do bring a trowel. Thinking you’ll be able to dig down 20cm using a stick or a spoon is pure fantasy. In fact, 20cm is sometimes difficult to achieve even with a trowel.
The poo trowel never touches the poo (or pee). It is a tool, not a toilet. I always wash my hands before filling up the hole, so that I can stick the trowel anywhere in my pack without worrying about it.
Plan your poo spot. Testing the soil in advance can save you panic digging at dawn – holes take a few minutes to dig, even in easy ground.
Think strategically. You’ll need to cover up the hole with the soil you discard, so drop it a few feet away from the hole, not just next to it, or you might struggle to follow rule number 2.
Going the extra mile to be eco-friendly
The most environmentally friendly option is to poo in a toilet, always. If you can hold it in for a few miles, that’s the best option.
Limit your use of paper. Paper degrades far less well than poo, so using as little as possible is best. Either start wiping with a plant you know is easy on the skin, or with something like a smooth rock (you read that right, just try it), then use paper. If water is not limited, make the hole your ephemeral bidet: soap and water will leave you feeling much fresher.
What NOT to do
Firstly, consider this an environmental issue, not one of visual comfort. The process is more about protecting the ecosystem than protecting the senses of the next passer-by. Just because your poo is remote doesn’t mean it’s harmless. Taking a dump in the sea or a stream is a big no-no.
Secondly, please, please, don’t half-arse your poo. Second only to an unburied, gross tissue, is a thinly disguised poo. A poo that is one-inch deep and covered in three leaves and a stick. It’s basically a trap set up for another nature-lover to step into. Please, don’t do it.
Why It Matters
You might think, “Animals do it, so why can’t I?” A few poos in the undergrowth might not seem like much, but multiply that by a few hundred campers a season, and you’ve got a very real issue if people don’t follow guidelines. Human waste can carry pathogens, contaminate water sources, and ruin the experience for others.
A Note on pee
While we’re at it, a quick word on wee.
Urine is generally safe, but try to wee at least 60 metres away from water sources, and not on vegetation if you’re in popular spots (to avoid concentrated smell). In arid areas, try to wee on rocks, which prevents damage to plant life.
A Note on periods
Any disposable product such as tampons and pads will not degrade, so you will have to carry them away with you.
If you are using a menstrual cup or disc, follow the same procedure as for a poo and bury the blood.
The case of wastewater
Treat wastewater like pee. Even eco-friendly soaps can disrupt aquatic ecosystems.
Don’t wash in the river. Instead, carry some water over to a quiet spot 60m away, then wash. If you can, have your relaxing dip in the stream afterwards, once you are clean, rather than before, while being covered in sunscreen and mosquito repellent.
Give it a go
If we want to keep wild camping, it’s on us to show that it can be done responsibly. That means taking our waste seriously, even when it’s awkward.
Don’t mistreat your colon by holding it in for several days. Give it a go and you’ll find it’s not that weird. In fact, you’re likely to go much faster than on a toilet as squatting is a more efficient way of emptying the bowels.
Last bit of advice if you need to go but are scared a stranger will walk by and surprise you: devise a warning signal with your pals so that they can alert you to oncomers. Mine? A very convincing tawny owl hoot.
You’ve got the trowel, you’ve got the technique. Now go out there, and don’t be the reason someone else loses their breakfast!
